Feeling down today............can't put my finger on it unless it is the fact that hubby has been working  a alot of overtime and there is never enough time for us to do anything fun.  Not like there is much we can do anyway.  My health issues don't allow us to do much that doesn't entail sitting down....................it gets old hat and mighty depressing after several months.  I'm hanging in ther although I don't know how much longer I can or why I even want to.  Life isn't a lot of fun when there isn't much you can do to participate in it!  I try and put a smile on my face and pretend that everything is fine even when it isn't.  I don't know how much longer I can do it, but I have to at least keep it up too get through my sons upcoming wedding on Sept. 25!  I am really happy for him and his bride and I am really looking forward to this.  I never thought I would live to see this day, but am awfully glad I did.  I wish his birth Dad was here to enjoy it with us.  Okay, I have to get off this subject or I will end up crying here and now and won't be able to see what else I am typing.   They are blending a family and I know from experience that it can be a difficult task at best.  I hope he has learned from our mistakes  and doesn't have to learn those lessons on his own!  They have 6 children between them and they need to love all of them the same and as if they were their very own.  She has 2, he has 3, and they have one together.  Amazingly enough they all get along and actually like each other, so that is half the battle and they are close enough in age to play and talk together and form special bonds that will last them a lifetime!!!!

Hot and humid!

Well, here it is, one more hot and humid day here. We have had more hot, humid days this summer than we had all of last summer and we are expecting our hottest day of the year Friday with a temp of 93º and a heat index of 103º! Sounds like a day to stay indoors and read and out of the heat and humidity if at all possible. It will be for me! My poor hubby will have to go to work in a factory that is always at least 20 degrees hotter inside than it is outside. I'm glad I'm a woman and am not required to support a family financially as most men are!

Yesterday I had 3 grandchildren here, aging in age from 15 to 4. The 15 year old was here to help me with the other two...........her cousins. I took Elijah and Rebecca swimming to my daughters house for a while and they were so tired that Rebecca, who is the 4 year old, fell asleep on the way here and we only live like 6 minutes away! After her daddy came for them we had supper and she wanted to go outside and play on the swingset. We went out for a while but the skeeters were eating us up so we came back in. She was a little upset about having to come in so soon and I told her that if the mosquitoes were biting me that badly that they surely would start eating her up in a minute. She looked up at me, and in all seriousness said "No they won't Mema......their tummys are very little so by the time they are done eating you, they will be too full for me." I love the things little kids say.................still, we came in!

Doctors

When I went to my appointment with the Vascular Surgeon, I also found out that the cardiologist who has been treating me for the past 18 years did NOT retire as we were told.  He was with West Michigan Heart and they broke off into two different groups.  We were told he was staying with Metro Heart and Vascular.  Not so.  They then told us he was retiring.  Not so, either.  He decided to stay with West Michigan Heart.  I think that was a rather dirty trick to play on his patients and on the Doctor.  When we discovered this, we requested all our records and medical histories be sent to him at West Michigan Heart.  I mean after 18 years with one doctor, you develop a closeness with them and they with you.  They become almost like family and we really felt that this particular doctor had our best interest at heart.  This was not the feeling we got while remaining with Metro Heart and Vascular.  I have confidence that now we will get the best care possible and perhaps they can do something to help me that the other group could not.  Keeping my fingers crossed!

Another rescheduling!

I am pretty upset today.  I am still stewing over my heart doctor appointment on Monday.  I was scheduled for a angiogram and stenting of some major blockages on the 26th of this month and made sure with the doctor's assistant that all was in order.  Even had my blood work done.

Only to come home and find a letter in the mail explaining to me that the doctor won't be in the office at all that day and they had to reschedule until June 4th.  Okay, I know it's only a week and 2 days later than the original schedule date but this is the third time they have done this to me this year!  To them it is just another surgery/procedure, but to me it is a very important step to being able to get on with my life.  The blockage are in my legs and there is one in the main aorta just above where it splits to feed the legs and one to my right kidney that is almost totally blocked.  I had a 99% blockage in one of the bypasses from open heart surgery 8 years ago and they were able to stent that a couple of weeks ago and I am feeling better.  But at this point, with the other blockages, my kidney function is too low, and I am barely able to walk 100 yards without needing to sit down and rest because my calf's hurt so bad I could just cry!  And to top it all off, they are not sure if they can even take care of the blockages in the lower legs this time or if it will have to wait for a later date because they don't think my body will tolerate the contrast dye they have to use being I have an allergy to it!  I am so frustrated at the present time, and yet I do understand that the doctors have a very stressful job and perhaps need to have some time off, if that is the case.  After all, it is a holiday weekend.............Memorial Day.  Well, I guess later will have to work because it can't be done sooner.  I guess I will just have to accept the fact that it is what it is and go from there.

Amber's ongoing saga...............

she falls in and out of love a dozen times a month. And each time she is postive her heart will break. I am sympathetic, yet I am glad. For it means that she isn't getting too serious with one boy at her age and there is less worry about intimate relations going on. Although we have talked over and over about that and the consequences of what can happen and how it changes your life forever, especially should she become pregnant. I hope she remembers the things we talked about and the things she was taught when she lived with us. I would like to think that during the fomrative years she lived with us, some of what we tried to teach her has stuck with her and she will remember! Please God, watch over this young girl and keep her safe and give her reminders of how she was raised in a Christian home and how much we and You love her!

It has happened............

.........my second born grand daughter, Amber, whose picture appears above, has reached the age that she would rather spend time with her friends than come visit us and spend weekends with us. Use to be, we were her whole world. She lived for the weekends and was here every chance she could be. She spent every vacation with us, took many trip with us and always came on Christmas Day and stayed all of Christmas break with us. "To everything there is a season" and as sad as it seems............this season with her has ended. Oh, I am sure we will still see her, just not as much as we use too. She is our 'little girl' whom we had guardianship of for most of the first 5 years of her life, so in a way, she almost seems more like a child than a grandchild. It feels as if something has been ripped out of my heart..........and yet, I knew this day was coming. It's just that it arrived much sooner than I was prepared for and way sooner than I wanted it too! But it is inevitable..............life goes on, people grow up and change and the daily contact you once had vanishes into thin air.

I know this throuogh the deaths of my parents at a young age and my first husband at the young age of 34. But maybe it is something you are never prepared to lose.........even a small portion of that contact. Yet, Amber is not dead, she still walks this earth and I still get an occasioanl phone call from her and I guess that will have to be good enough..........until the next season arrives!

Well, where has the time gone. Here it is October 19th already. I think I must have slept through the summer...........I don't remember much summer this year. Of course, it could be because we didn't have much summer this year. Most people feel the same way.............it seems as if it went from spring to a few nice summery days and right back to fall. And now I'm wondering if winter will make an early appearance too!

Today, one of our grand daughters turns 6 and yesterday our oldest child, Michelle, turned 41. How did that happen so quickly? And I've been thinking that I'm still in my 40's! No wonder I can't keep up with all these younger people anymore. I'm WAY older than I thought I was!

We had a partial family portrait taken by our oldest daughter the photographer and she did a great job. I wish we could have had the other son and his family here for it too.............but nothing ever works out perfectly.......at least for me! The above photo is it.

Okay, I know this is short, but I need to go and get some things started and finished. Hopefully it won't be so long before I post next.